Oh, baby!

This morning, I watched the sunrise from my bedroom window. (This is a photo of that particular sunrise.) I've rarely done this as it's not often that the view, from there, is very clear. But, I walked by and noticed that today it was beautifully clear. So, I decided to sit and watch while I drank my morning tea. Anyway, I'd finished my morning prayers and did some meditation. I thought that quietly sitting while watching God's daily miracle would be a great way to start the day.

Although, it wasn't as quiet as I expected it. Alas, my mind was loud with a few thoughts. Those thoughts haven't been to the surface in many years. So, what were the thoughts causing such a ruckus in my mind? Babies! Yep, babies! Moreover, the thought of me having another baby!

Reflecting on previous relationships, I realized that I didn't care much about the thought of having another baby (or, getting remarried). I realized that those previous relationships simply didn't excite or inspire me enough to want to plan a future with them. Fast forward to the end of 2019, I met a guy. A guy, who would, eventually, inspire me to dream more, inspire me to hope more and, inspire me to love more deeply than I have in years. Those inspirations are enough to be grateful but I smiled because I've been given more.

Having spent most of 2020 being physically apart from my new friend, leaving us no choice but to simply build a foundation of deep friendship as distance and a global pandemic made it difficult to be in each other's physical space. I'm thankful for having that time in 2020 because it helped me to re-discover that feeling of newfound friendship and love. Such a love inspired me to want something that I didn't know I wanted... a love that's led me to want something merely because of him...I couldn't imagine it with anyone else. Because of him, I'm often thinking of marriage and God's most precious gift - a child! Sure, the latter is certainly an impossible feat but, I'm happy because I've been filled with overwhelming feelings of love, excitement, and joy!

So, today, and for days to come, I am and will be grateful to him for having reintroduced those feelings and for giving me a safe space to work through my fears of loving again!

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N'cki Jaxon