I Wish I Hated You

I wish that I hated you... For all of the times, I cried because of you For all of the times that I put you first For all of the times that I sacrificed something for your happiness I wish that I hated you... For all of the lies you told I forgave For all of the days, I smiled through the pain you caused For all of the things you took from me for your own gain instead of our gain

I wish that I hated you... For all of the poison that spewed from your mouth towards me For all of the times that you raised your hand to me in an attempt to control me For all of the manipulation of my mind, you orchestrated I wish that I hated you... For making me believe, for so long, that I'd be lost without you For having looked in the mirror and not liking the person I'd become  - a hollowed shell of my former self, a woman I no longer recognized For all of the days that I looked in the mirror - bruised and battered, concealing my scars - and wondered, "How much more of this can I take?" I wish that I hated you But, I didn't I loved you I loved you unconditionally, too much to my own detriment Yes, I wish that I hated you Because I hated myself for loving you more than I loved myself

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N'cki J.