Somewhere in Between

I mentioned that I’ve had some interesting dreams this week. In keeping with the spirit of transparency, I’ve decided to share the feelings of one of those dreams with you. To be clear, this isn’t an account of the dream details but an entry to convey what I felt throughout the dream – confusion, excitement, unsettled, love, anger, fear! This dream, in particular, was a little dark brought some things to the surface that force me to deal with the fear of loss, fear of the unknown – fear of losing love! I’m feeling like I’m stuck in the proverbial gray area. This is…

Somewhere in Between

Is loving him or longing for him, a waste of my time? I keep trying to convince myself that it’s worth it, he’s worth it. The more I know him, the more I want to keep loving him.

My mind tells me that loving him makes no sense. My heart won’t let me believe it. Will a relationship work with him? The excuses begin. We’re too different in culture and age. I keep trying to convince myself that loving him isn’t absurd.

Lately, when I sleep, I see signs. Signs to let go. They come to me in my dreams. Guard your heart! Keep your distance! Fall Back! Reign it in! It’s just a dream, right?

I’ve tried to move hell and high water to be with him again. Will he do the same for me? This makes no sense. Hell, I don’t even know for sure that he loves me. Who am I kidding? The fact that I question it… I know the answer. That alone is heartbreaking. I’m back to where I began. Feeling an unrequited love.

You see…we’re more than friends. But, we’re not exactly a couple. We’re in an abysmal black hole of love. We’re somewhere in between.

The reality of this scenario is no longer works for me. How in the hell do people love someone on the other side of the world? Going on like this – missing him, not talking to him, not seeing him – isn’t doing anyone any favors.

We’re more than friends. But, we’re not exactly a couple. We’re merely existing somewhere in between.

—- N’cki Jaxon, @TheOnly1LadyJ Image: Simulated image of a black hole by Nasa/ESA/Gaia/DPAC

#unrequitedlove #lettinggo #ihatethisfeeling #stuck #loss #lovelimbo #fear #itscomplicated