Butterflies

Butterflies

She would arrive home, excited to learn more about him, wanting to know more of his life. She thought it definitely a challenge but she couldn’t let the opportunity pass without getting to know more about him. They would talk regularly and often. She loved his thought process and the way that he analyzed life. She was drawn to his spirit as it invoked an essence in her that caused her to feel free and alive! She thought to herself, “could I be falling for this guy?” She’d ignore the feeling but it grew stronger.

She was horribly afraid of what she was feeling. She knew that feeling…a wonderful euphoric feeling in the beginning. But, would it turn into sadness, anger, resentment, or bitterness because he’d reject her or break her heart? That feeling, yes…scared her beyond measure. She began to expend so much energy trying to fight it, deny it, and suppress it.

Oh yes, she was afraid, mortified! For nearly nine days, which seemed like ages, she found herself unable to sleep well, if she would sleep at all. She found that the more she tried to forget him the more she would think of him. The more she tried to rationalize the difficulty of what she was feeling because of the distance between them, the more she would find herself thinking of ways to close the distance. She wanted to be with him and she found herself reliant on hearing his voice or seeing his face to give her comfort.

Talking to him or seeing him made her feel like all was well in the universe. At times, she’d find herself giddy like an adolescent schoolgirl and filled with excitement at just the thought of his call. She would think to herself, “you give me butterflies”. {queue Michael Jackson} She thought, “damn, I can no longer fight it”! It was too late. She had fallen for him and must muster the nerve to tell.

When she finally found the courage to tell him, it was like a heaviness was lifted from her and she felt freer, even more like herself. He had awakened something in her that for years was dormant. She felt great comfort and joy in loving him. She knew instantly, at that moment, that even if he had rejected her that she would have no regret in sharing her feelings with him…

…a life without loving is not a life worth living!

—-

Habibi, thank you for inspiring me to love without fear. You don't know how happy I am to put the fear behind me.

—-

N’cki Jaxon Image: Michael Fiala

#butterflies #ammar #fallinginlove #love #lovemesomehim #falling