Day 6 - Gratitude Challenge 2021

Cultivating gratitude in seasons of plenty and seasons of want can be a challenge. I sometimes look at other people and think to myself they don’t know struggle like I know struggle, or they don’t know the pain that I’ve walked in. (I think many people often compare pain.) While others might not know my specific struggle or my exact pain, I can believe that every person who has walked the face of the planet knows struggle of some sort.

The real struggle is finding peace in the middle of struggle. A major part of maturing is discovering how to be grateful for the smallest things in the middle of our biggest battles.

A few years ago, I struggled with finding my identity outside of my professional life. Yes, many of us have professional lives that often intersect with our lives overall as we simply were fortunate enough to work in fields that we were passionate about both professionally and privately. The problem, for me, came as I tried to find more common ground with my friends and particular loved ones who had no interest in what I did professionally. The lack of commonality led to a little distance from people that I'd been friends with for years, which wreaked havoc on my mental health.

At the time, I didn't know why this was bothering me as I'd been friends with these people since I was a young girl and we've always had things that we didn't share in common. Fortunately, it didn't take too long to realize that my sense of self was being swallowed up into my professional life. Not only did I got to work but also I stopped turning work off when I left the office. Moreover, I discovered that I began doing this not long after I got divorced and my kids got older and more independent. Instead of taking time to process these changes, I simply shifted my attention to work.

This realization came from someone that God unexpectedly put in my life - a guy that I was dating. We were out one evening and he said to me, "Nik, I love you and I love seeing your find and passion for work. So, tell me, outside of work and travel, what is it that you enjoy just for yourself?" I was absolutely STUCK! I got quiet. I didn't know anymore - not sure I ever did. So, I admitted to him that I couldn't remember what I enjoyed outside of work and travel. It was one of the best questions that he could ever ask me.

He could've left me hanging but he began, that day and the next, to ask me each day, "you find new joy yet?" Man, what a friend! Just like a child, I began to explore new things and old things to see how I felt when I turned my brain off from work. I discovered that in those moments, I was happier and more open to simply being with people, even if just for a smile. It didn't matter that they couldn't talk about the latest sustainable development practices surrounding supply chain management.

In those moments, I began to remember parts of me that didn't depend on work, being a mother, or a wife. I rediscovered my sense of self-fulfillment and worth by doing the things in life that simply brought me joy. In turn, more of my smiles translated into laughter with my friends and happier moments with my family even if only we were watching TV.

So in struggling with my sense of identity, I look back and can be grateful for the small things - thought-provoking questions from new friends (the guy I was dating); the patience from others as I took a new journey of self-discovery; and, the opportunity to heal my mind through new hobbies or interests.

What are the greatest struggles you’re walking in right now? What is God doing in the midst of the struggle? What are you learning about yourself and others?

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N'cki Jaxon